


Stranger

by NanakiBH



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Anal Sex, Biting, Desperation, Home Invasion, Identity Issues, Kissing, M/M, Masturbation, Obsession, Power Dynamics, Quiet Sex, Riding, Scent Kink, Socks, Wet & Messy, kagune stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-16
Updated: 2014-11-16
Packaged: 2018-02-25 16:01:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2627699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NanakiBH/pseuds/NanakiBH
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It didn't matter how much he'd changed. Second chances didn't come around every day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stranger

**Author's Note:**

> Someday soon, this could be horribly retconned. But it will always be the truth in my heart.

This was the place Chie had specified. It looked exactly as it did in the photographs she provided.

Knowing that this 'Sasaki Haise' worked with the CCG, it didn't seem like it would be too difficult to determine when he and the others who lived with him would be away. Chie came prepared with information regarding that as well, and, so far, it all seemed accurate.

The entire block was quiet; not a single neighbor to be seen. He approached quietly, keeping a calm facade as his heart beat wildly inside of his chest as he got closer. After circling around the premise three times, he determined that it would be safe for him to enter. It would be foolish to boldly enter through the front door, so he crept around to the back.

Though he was proud of his prowling prowess, he would freely admit that Chie was his better. With that innocent face of hers, she could easily blend in just about anywhere she went, so it came as no surprise that she was able to get nearly their whole life stories right from their own mouths. If this Sasaki fellow was his Kaneki, then he really had to do a better job of training his subordinates. They wouldn't be able to protect him, let alone defend themselves if they continued to hand out valuable information for peanuts.

Though it was interesting to know that they were part-ghoul, Tsukiyama had no particular interest in them. Without having met them for himself, he imagined that they might have their own pleasant fragrance, but what they smelled like mattered little to him. Ultimately, there was only one person he wanted. For three years, he waited, a little piece of him dying with each day that passed as he desperately tried to cling to the belief that Kaneki might still be out there somewhere, that he might be alive, that his reason to live hadn't been lost. If he let himself think about it too heavily, he was afraid that he might have spiraled into an even worse condition, and then there would have been no telling what he might've done to himself.

But he was dedicated. Some others tried to tell him that his dedication was just stubbornness or possessiveness, but he didn't think of it that way at all. He had something he adored, and he was loyal to it – very loyal. He couldn't just give up on him. He knew that he would come back eventually.

Kaneki-kun would come back to him eventually.

He just hadn't expected it to take three years, nor had he expected Kaneki to reappear with a new name and a new appearance. After waiting for so long, it was difficult for him to even believe it was true, but there was no mistaking the scent on the gift his little mouse had given him. When she showed him a photograph of him and he breathed in that familiar scent, his knees had automatically buckled and he collapsed, overwhelmed because he knew.

It was him, without a shadow of a doubt.

Time had changed his appearance, and the circumstances had changed his name, but the man in the photograph, the one to whom that glorious scent belonged, could only be one person. Knowing with utmost certainty that the man in the picture was the same as the one in his memory, he decided that he needed to go out to meet him. At the least, he needed to find out for himself why he was with the CCG. Although Chie's information had proved to be reliable so far, he didn't think they would get the truth out of those other boys. It was inconceivable that Kaneki would be working for the CCG of his own accord, but it was possible that he had his reasons. Once there, it might have even been difficult for him to break away from them. No matter the reason for his cooperation, the thing that concerned Tsukiyama the most was his name.

Sasaki Haise...

It was almost like he was a new person. The man in Chie's photographs was smiling so brightly. Tsukiyama had never seen him looking so happy. Recalling the memories from the time they spent together, his chest felt tight and his breath froze in his throat as if someone had closed a hand around his heart. He spent such a long time at Kaneki's side and not once had he seen him smile so peacefully; certainly never because of something he did or said. He'd been so focused on his own selfish desires that he hadn't even stopped to think about that smile and the way it made him feel.

In the end, he lost it. Kaneki stepped out of his reach and disappeared, leaving him one last, lonesome smile to be burned into his memory. That image had stuck with him so tenaciously that he could still see it in his mind as if it had happened only a second ago. While laying in his room, he had let that moment replay in his mind like the final scene of a movie, rewinding and rewinding, never wanting to let it end even though he knew what that tired smile had meant.

That was what made Chie's gift so unbelievable. Kaneki was supposed to be gone. He failed to protect him, and life was cruel. This was a punishment; a consequence. If it could be his last act of selfishness, he wanted to take responsibility for Kaneki's vanishment, to think that something could have been done if he had just tried a little bit harder. That was a thing he learned and forced himself to accept. Some things couldn't be bought. There were things that his money and name couldn't obtain for him.

It was so stupidly simple and obvious that it felt like a smack in the face.

For his whole life... Yes, he was sure it had been that long – for his whole life, he believed that his family's name could get him anything he wanted. If he had trouble at school, his teacher would take care of the matter, if he tore his jacket, his parents would have it replaced immediately, if he saw something he liked, he only had to say the word and it would be his. His life was so simple and easy and it all came to him so naturally that he never stopped to think that there was anything wrong with the way that he lived.

Other people had to deal with inconveniences because they weren't him. If they had to deal with things on their own, then they had to be less important.

Tsukiyama. Ghouls. Humans.

That was the natural order of things, he thought. That is, until he met someone who was unable to comfortably be defined as any of those things.

Kaneki came from a place outside of those restrictions. From the start, he could tell that he was different, but he still made the mistake of trying to make Kaneki fit into the world as he knew it. He didn't understand that Kaneki could hold a place of his own until it was too late.

Or maybe it wasn't.

He was tired of waiting, of half-living his life while he waited for Kaneki to magically reappear at his doorstep. This was as close as he had come to finding him in three years, and he was going to go the rest of the way on his own. It was probably an extremely unwise decision to go there alone. He probably shouldn't have gone there at all, in fact, but there was no helping it. As soon as that familiar scent graced his nose, he became its slave, manipulated by it just like he used to be. Willingly placing himself under its spell, he let his feet move on their own and pushed aside rational thought, making his way toward the thing he wanted more than anything else, seeking irrefutable proof that Sasaki Haise was his Kaneki.

There was no plan for what he was going to do once he infiltrated their home, but he figured that that was something he would figure out along the way. At the moment, it appeared that there was no one home, which was good. He wanted to look around the premise and see if he could get a better sense of who this person was before he actually approached him. Messing around with the CCG had never sounded like a fun time to him before and that wasn't about to change.

If he got caught somehow, he hoped that Kaneki would recognize him. At worst, if Sasaki Haise turned out to be a completely different person who only happened to bear an uncanny resemblance to the man he wanted, then he would enjoy an interesting meal. The CCG wouldn't even know he was responsible for making a snack of him unless he left a business card.

...None of that was going to happen, anyway. He was already ninety-nine point nine percent certain that the gift he'd been given formerly belonged to Kaneki.

Only a tiny sliver of doubt remained and its nickname was 'desire'. He came looking for proof, but that was just another way of saying that he wanted to add to his collection. While he thoroughly appreciated Chie's gift, it was...

It was a little strange. He couldn't believe that Kaneki would own a pair of underwear with such an unusual design on them, but there was no getting around the scent on them. They were definitely his, but, while he had never been one to look a gift horse in the mouth, he kind of hoped that he could procure a pair that weren't so unique.

Standing at the back of the premise, he scanned the building and arbitrarily picked a window on the first floor. Pulling over a nearby trash can, he climbed on top and hoisted himself up to the sill. For a few seconds, just to be sure, he placed an ear against the glass and listened, trying to see if he could hear any activity inside. He was already sure that there was no one home, but he couldn't keep himself from feeling the need to exercise further caution.

The blinds were drawn, so he couldn't see into the room to determine whether he had chosen the right room, but that wouldn't matter once he made it inside. Placing his palms down firmly on either side of the window frame, he gave a steady upward push and was astounded when the window lifted. Clearly, these CCG children needed to learn to lock their windows. They were wide open to the risk of their home being invaded by neighborhood perverts.

It was all smooth sailing after that. Once he pushed the window up the rest of the way, he climbed right inside and had his feet planted safely on the bedroom floor. Concerned by what some neighbors might think if they noticed a window open while the home's residents were away, he turned around and closed the window, gently fixing the blinds over it to make it look like it had never been touched. Then, with that out of the way...

He took a couple more steps into the room and took a deep breath.

Yes... This.

This was his room. He had chosen correctly. The fragrance he was met with immediately reminded him of the way that Kaneki's room had smelled when he lived together with Hinami and the rest of their group. The room was different, so the smell wasn't exactly the same, but it was heavily influenced by Kaneki's unmistakable scent. Breathing it in, it filled him up and made his heart float. It gave him a nostalgic sort of feeling that made him feel at ease.

It was hard to believe that it had already been three years. Living without him was unbearable, but all of that pain left him as he exhaled. As he took another deep breath, he closed his eyes and imagined Kaneki standing in front of him, smiling the way he'd smiled in Chie's photographs.

He was so glad.

Regardless of the circumstances that caused him to change his name and separate himself from them, all that mattered was that he was safe. His opportunity hadn't been lost. Kaneki was alive, and he was so glad.

When he opened his eyes, he finally took a closer look around the room. It was around noon, but having the blinds drawn covered the room with lazy, warm shadows. The bed had been made neatly; its covers pressed and tucked in, its pillows lightly fluffed and inviting-looking. There was a desk beside it with a lamp, some books arranged at its corner, and a short stack of documents awaiting attention at its center. No doubt, they looked like CCG documents for review. Although he was curious, he cared more about Kaneki's personal effects than his business at work. He didn't care as much about that as he cared about what Kaneki had on the shelves near the desk. He would take another glance at those papers later after he had a satisfying look through the rest of his things.

He approached the bookshelves in the corner. Holding his fingers to his chin, he curiously scanned the spines of the books, trying to gather more about what kind of person Kaneki had become after three years based on their titles.

While he noticed a handful of volumes that no doubt pertained to his new work, the rest of the shelf was packed with fiction. Tsukiyama felt his smile intensify as his eyes fell upon some familiar titles that took him back to the time when he and Kaneki first met. Seeing Takatsuki Sen's name among his collection gave him hope that this Kaneki was still the same one he remembered; the one who enjoyed sipping a hot cup of coffee while quietly immersing himself in a good book.

As he took a step back, he noticed a small table next to the shelves. He realized that he must have started stacking books on his desk because he had no more room on his shelves for them. If he just moved that table, he would probably have room for another shelf, and then he could enjoy a couple more hundred books.

That little table wasn't interesting, but he found himself staring at the single vase that stood atop it. It was like that table had no other purpose than to hold up that vase, like a pedestal elevating a work of fine art. Looking at the sunflowers in that vase, he felt anything but happy. Kaneki may have bought them for himself, but Tsukiyama's teeth clenched at the thought that they may have been a gift from someone else.

He didn't spend too long thinking about that, though. His attention was drawn away by the most unusual sight. After the awful design on the garment Chie had brought to him, he imagined that things couldn't get any stranger, and yet... There was a large poster of a bunch of bananas on his wall.

This was more mysterious than Kaneki's sudden name change.

Weird poster aside, the room certainly seemed like a room that would belong to Kaneki Ken. His old room had been very similar. Kaneki's room had always been free of clutter; everything was in its proper order, and, when he wasn't around, the bed was made to look like no one had ever even slept in it. It was like he lived in that room without ever leaving an impression upon it. If a stranger walked into his room, they would have had no idea what kind of person Kaneki was based on the atmosphere, but Tsukiyama knew what to look for. Perhaps that poster had simply been hung there as an attempt to personalize the space at the behest of his housemates.

That still didn't explain what he was doing with such an unusual pair of underwear, though...

It had to be a fluke. The rest couldn't possibly look like that.

Turning himself around, he crossed the room to Sasaki's drawers and pulled out the drawer on top. As expected, the top drawer was filled with socks and underwear. Tsukiyama didn't recognize any of it, but it made sense that Kaneki wouldn't have any of his old belongings if he had been forced to assume a new identity. Thankfully, he didn't see any more pairs like the ones that had been brought to him. The ones who gave them to Chie might have hated that disgraceful pair and thought that Kaneki wouldn't mind if they went missing. In a way, they had done him a favor.

Tsukiyama wished that he could have found a new pair to take with him, but the ones in the drawer were all freshly washed and didn't carry his scent. An article of Kaneki's clothing without his scent was useless to him.

He could always try to find where they kept the laundry. It wouldn't be hard to determined what items belonged to Kaneki based on their smell, but he didn't feel like sorting through other people's dirty laundry. Not yet, at least. It would be unpleasant, but it would be worth it. First, though, he had a little more investigating to do.

He opened the rest of his drawers and took a quick look through the other things he wore, but it was all recently laundered, smelling fresh and clean. It figured. Kaneki wouldn't put something he wore back into his drawers.

After a moment, he realized that he was getting his priorities mixed up again. He wanted something else with his scent on it, but the thing he should have immediately noticed was what type of clothing he had in those drawers. It all looked like regular street clothes and things to relax in at home. He was working for the CCG, but there weren't any uniforms in these drawers, which meant...

He whipped his head around, and his eyes locked onto their target: the closet.

Carefully putting everything back where it belonged, he closed the drawers and made a beeline for the closet. With an excited smile, he placed his hands on the handles and threw back the doors. There, just as he had hoped, he found his work clothes hanging. There was one empty hanger dangling from the rack; the one he must have put on that morning. The others... Yes, he could smell it. Stepping further into the closet, he grabbed one of the jackets still hanging on the line and pulled it close, pressing his nose into the collar where the smell was strongest. Aside from the empty hanger, there were only three suits hanging, which meant that he didn't have a suit for every day of the week.

In other words, if he worked at least five days a week, there would always be a day where he rewore one of his suits. A busy person like him wouldn't have the time to wash his suits until he had a day off. Boy, was he thankful for that. It smelled heavenly. He hadn't felt this close to him in a long, long time. The handkerchief had been enough to satisfy him for a while. Even when Kaneki was still around, he liked to take it out and enjoy its smell whenever he couldn't be around him. After Kaneki was gone, though, he needed it every day. Before long, the smell had completely vanished and all he had left of him was a small, rust-colored stain. It was still his prized possession. He would never let go of it, but it couldn't fulfill the same purpose anymore.

He started to get afraid that he would forget what Kaneki smelled like. Like the scent on the handkerchief, he feared that Kaneki's scent, then his voice, and then at last his face would disappear from his memory.

When Chie brought him that gift, it all came back to him and made him feel like he should have never doubted himself. He would never forget him.

His head began to feel light as he took in more deep breaths, letting go of his thoughts, filling his head with his scent. As he breathed it in, he felt the unspoken feelings from years ago arise in his chest. His throat constricted, his chest felt tight, and his fingertips tingled. Stroking his fingers over the front of the white suit jacket he held, his stomach gave a raw, hungry groan as he imagined Kaneki there beneath his touch. He still wanted him, but not quite in the way that he used to. He wanted him with his whole body now.

He didn't know how long it would be before any of them came home, but he assumed that he still had a significant amount of safe time to himself. Releasing the jacket for a moment, he took a look back at the bed and considered doing something he could regret. The only thing better than holding a jacket Kaneki had worn was laying in the bed he had slept in. It was the strongest source of his scent and Tsukiyama ached to know what it would feel like to lay in his bed and pull up the covers and wrap himself in the same sheets Kaneki had pulled around himself. It would be just like having him there with him.

It sounded fantastic and he was more than confident in his ability to properly make a bed, but he didn't want to risk it. If what Chie told him were true, then those other young investigators might be able to tell that a ghoul had been in their home. Realizing that, it made him hesitate to leave the room. He wouldn't touch anything he didn't have to touch, but he didn't want to risk dragging his scent around the place when he didn't know how strong their sense of smell was. They were trained guard dogs of the CCG. It would be just his luck for one of them to be a bloodhound.

Sitting on the bed would be alright. Laying on it would probably be okay, too. If Kaneki's sense of smell was the same as it used to be, then he didn't have much to worry about as long as he stayed on top of the sheets. Kaneki would probably notice that something seemed a little different, but he wouldn't question it too heavily... Unless he still remembered him.

If Kaneki laid down in his bed and recognized his scent on his pillow...

A grin full of interest curled the edges of Tsukiyama's lips.

When he turned back around, ready to grab the jacket from its hanger, his eyes fell on something else. Folded on the shelf inside the closet was a set of clothes; a pair of black shorts with an elastic waist and a thin, white t-shirt. Eyes widening, he placed a hand down on top of the shirt and shivered when he felt how soft it was. Saying a prayer inside, he picked up the shirt and slowly brought it to his nose with shaking hands.

He couldn't believe his luck. The article he was holding was most definitely the shirt Kaneki slept in. It smelled like he hadn't washed it in at least a week. Putting his nose under the arm of the shirt made his head spin. The scent of his deodorant lingered vaguely, but the smell of Kaneki's natural scent was almost overpoweringly strong there. His lower body immediately responded, anxious and hungry for more.

He was this close; closer than he had been in three years. If he wanted, he could wait for him and ambush him and finally sink his teeth into him and drown himself in the taste of his blood before he had the chance to leave him again.

No – he had to shake his head to stop himself from thinking that way. After three years, he knew that he wouldn't be satisfied with instant gratification. He'd already given it endless thought and knew that he would hate himself if he ate him. He would rather eat him than let anyone else touch him, but, above all else, he wanted him for himself. Kaneki was something like Chie. He wasn't simply food. Kaneki was meant to serve another purpose in his life.

Kaneki was... Kaneki was...

Kaneki was very special.

Dragging himself out of the closet, still clutching the shirt in his hand, he returned to the dresser and took a look at himself in the mirror that rested on top of it. As he thought, his eyes had changed. He tore his eyes away from the mirror, feeling somewhat disgusted by his own sluttish appearance. Just thinking about Kaneki like this caused his eyes to turn black, his face to flush red. If he saw him looking like that, Kaneki would have laughed at him and called him disgusting. How badly he wanted to hear his voice demeaning him. He would do anything he wanted if he could just hear him again, to feel the gentle warmth of his hand against his cheek as he ruthlessly humiliated him.

Daring not to take another look at himself, sure of what an awful sight he must have looked like, he sunk to the bed, holding the shirt back to his nose. Inhaling deeply, letting it out in a long, shaky breath, he laid back and arranged himself on the bed, resting his head against his pillow. It was so soft and light. It felt so nice to lay in a bed that Kaneki had made himself.

Moving the shirt from his face, he turned onto his stomach and pressed his face into the pillow, inhaling until his head felt dizzy. He moved his hips, pressing himself against the covers, his cock hard and nudging insistently against the front of his pants. He could still smell the light, fresh scent of Kaneki's shampoo lingering in the pillow. This was heaven. He still had many plans for Kaneki, but, if he died now, he would die a happy man.

Trembling slightly, he brought a hand down and clumsily unfastened his pants and slid a hand inside to palm at himself through his underwear. Closing his eyes, it was so easy to imagine that it was Kaneki's hand instead, but he wished that he could feel his weight on him, pressing down against his back, wished that he could feel his hot, moist breath against his neck.

This was good, but things could be even better. Chewing on his lower lip, he forced himself to take his hand off of himself for a moment and sat up on his knees. He hastily shrugged off his suit jacket and got off the bed to place it over the back of the chair that was pushed in at the desk. With that finally out of the way, he sat back down and unbuttoned his shirt. Doing something like this in Kaneki's room without him knowing gave him a spectacular rush. Once he had his shirt unbuttoned, he brought the soft shirt to his skin and rubbed it slowly over his chest, rubbing its scent all over himself.

With his other hand, he finally pulled back the waistband of his underwear and freed his cock. He was even harder than he thought, the head already colored a needy purple. He wasn't sure when this turned into something sexual. His desire for Kaneki was something so complex. Really, he didn't even want to define it as one thing or another. When he thought about him, he just couldn't help the way that his body reacted. He didn't know what Kaneki would think if he knew all of the complicated things he felt about him, but it didn't really matter. Regardless, he wanted him, and he wouldn't fail to make him his this time.

He would be happy if Kaneki accepted his feelings. That would be the most ideal outcome. He would still be happy even if Kaneki still thought he was disgusting. Anything was fine as long as Kaneki didn't ignore him. Tsukiyama wouldn't be able to handle that. He needed Kaneki's attention. It was the one thing he had been living for. If Kaneki didn't give his attention to him, then he would have to take it.

Smiling faintly at his thoughts, he delicately ran his fingers over the underside of his cock and let out a pleased sigh. Glancing at the shirt in his hand, a crazy thought went through his head. His eyes went from the shirt to his cock and back, the desire to feel its soft texture wrapped around him tempting him. If he got anything on the shirt, he would have to take it with him. The smell of it was comparable to the pair of underwear he already had in his possession, but the two were very different things with different smells. He liked both of them for their own reasons. The shirt was definitely a fine piece and he would have loved to keep it for himself, but he didn't want to make him even more suspicious when he returned to find yet another article of clothing missing from his wardrobe. If he didn't suspect that someone had been in his room from the scent he rubbed on his sheets, then he definitely would have thought he had a stalker on his hands if he noticed a missing shirt.

No matter. Tsukiyama was capable of exercising a bit of self-control from time to time.

Laying on his side, he pressed his cheek back into the pillow and closed his eyes as he closed his hand around himself, bringing the shirt back to his nose. It was such a relaxing feeling. Smelling his scent made him feel so calm and at ease. Knowing that Kaneki was alive filled him with such unspeakable happiness.

With his eyes closed, he began to move his hand and imagined that smiling face from Chie's photographs. As much as he enjoyed being scolded and shamed by him, he also liked to indulge in the thought of a gentler Kaneki; the one he first met. Kaneki had believed in him and trusted him so easily back then. Seeing that smile gave him hope that Kaneki might come to trust him again and look at him with such a gentle, trusting smile.

A whimper came from his lips. He couldn't explain why he wanted that so badly, but a part of him that wasn't his stomach ached with a hesitant kind of hope when he thought about it.

Anything.

He moved his hand faster over himself, rolling onto his back, lifting his hips as he thrust into his palm.

Anything. He would take whatever Kaneki would give him. He wouldn't be picky this time.

His smile, his resentment – he didn't care. As long as he had Kaneki there with him, he told himself that it wouldn't matter. He would be happy with that.

He came, but it didn't feel as satisfying as he hoped.

Staring at the ceiling, he cleaned his palm with his tongue, then slowly closed his eyes. He told himself all of that, but there was a part of him that was afraid that it still wouldn't be enough. After all of this time, would he really be happy if Kaneki didn't give him one hundred percent of himself? It felt deserved. He told him not to leave, and Kaneki hadn't listened. If he had just listened to him, he wouldn't have had to endure these unnecessary feelings. He had no one to blame but himself, but he still wished that Kaneki would take responsibility for the way he made him feel.

Kaneki was the only thing he wanted now. Everything else paled in comparison, and it made it hard for him to even eat. In the kind of state he was in now, it was hard to even continue calling himself the Gourmet. He didn't understand himself anymore. He didn't know who he was. Because of Kaneki, he became the world's pickiest eater, and he wouldn't be happy until he had Kaneki's heart.

With a quiet sigh, he tucked himself back into his pants, rebuttoned his shirt, and held Kaneki's shirt close. He tried to keep his eyes open, to think about where he should go from there and what he should do with himself, but he just felt tired when he looked up at the boring white ceiling, and his eyes closed on their own. His thoughts were so confusing. It felt nice to not think.

A few more moments of blessed silence in the warm comfort of Kaneki's bed were what he deserved. Just a little longer...

 

A few moments unexpectedly turned into a few hours when he let himself relax into the calm darkness that existed behind his eyelids. He didn't know when he fell asleep, but he was acutely aware that a long amount of time had passed. It was the muffled sound of voices that brought him out of it, and now he laid there, hiding behind his closed eyes in a state of panic.

The voices he heard sounded like they came from the other side of the wall; both male. There may have been a third voice, but it was hard to properly distinguish. It seemed like the bedroom door was still closed, but he didn't feel safe. Kaneki's scent had become stronger; uncomfortably strong. It was like... he was right there next to him.

A familiar, tentative voice broke the tense silence.

“Are you awake now?”

Swallowing past the pounding of his own heartbeat in his throat, he slowly cracked open his eyes and glanced to the bedside where the voice had came from. It was already dark out from what he could tell, but the light from the lamp on Kaneki's desk provided them with enough light. Kaneki sat beside him in the chair from the desk with his hands resting in his lap. The look he gave him seemed a little concerned and confused; not the sort of expression Tsukiyama would have expected from someone who just found a stranger resting on their bed. Before he did anything, he wanted to find out how much Kaneki remembered. He wanted to make sure that this was still his Kaneki.

He opened his mouth, but before he could get a word out, Kaneki continued.

“Um... I gotta admit, I was kind of surprised when I came home to find someone sleeping in my bed. You're dressed pretty nicely,” he said, gesturing back at the suit jacket that was still hanging over the back of the chair he was sitting in, “and it doesn't look like you really did anything to the place, so I figure that you're not just a regular burglar or anything. And... you had this look on your face while you were sleeping.” He paused, glancing aside with an uncomfortable tilt of his mouth. “Anyway, I figured that I could take care of you myself instead of getting anyone else involved. That probably sounds good to you too, right?”

Yes. That definitely sounded good.

But there was something about the way he was acting that wasn't good at all. If Kaneki remembered him, Tsukiyama felt like he would've already been laying on the floor with Kaneki's foot in his face. He would've flung him out the window and told him to never come back. This wasn't right. Something was wrong.

“There's that look again,” Kaneki muttered, looking away. “Would you mind telling me what you're doing in my room? This is kind of weird, you know.”

“I...” Realizing that he still had Kaneki's shirt in his hand, he sat up immediately and tried to quickly think of something to say that wouldn't make him sound like a burglar or a pervert. “I just... came to see you.”

It was the truth, at least.

His answer didn't seem to answer everything for Kaneki who still looked confused. “You couldn't wait for me to come home and catch me outside? You really had to break in? I admit that it's partially my fault for leaving my window unlocked like that, but you're still trespassing.”

He didn't know what to say anymore. At a loss, he looked at him, pleading to him with his eyes, silently praying that this was all just an act. There was a time when he could've easily eaten him without caring about how Kaneki felt, but, now that he had become so complicated, he needed for him to remember him and couldn't accept the situation any other way. With the realization of the truth slowly, heavily weighing down on his heart, the air felt like it was becoming harder to breathe.

“Kaneki...”

He squinted; something like a wince, like hearing his name did something to him. “I'm sorry, do we-” Appearing conflicted, he shook his head, then looked back at him more confidently. “I get the feeling that you're more confused right now than I am. I feel like I hurt you with something I said because of the way you keep looking at me, but I honestly don't know what's going on.”

Kaneki really didn't remember...

“I feel like I should be more freaked out by this situation, but for some reason, I'm just-” He stopped and waved a hand around in the air between them to express a thing that he couldn't explain with words. “Why don't you tell me more about your side of this? Why did you want to see me?”

If only it were so easy to explain. Tsukiyama's mouth opened and closed a number of times as he tried to think of the first thing to even say. He still didn't understand the complete nature of his own feelings, so how was he supposed to explain any of it to Kaneki? He had all of this time to think of what he would say to him when he met him again, but the situation always came out one way in his mind – he wouldn't know what to say. Even if he had something planned, he knew that he would be turned speechless if he ever saw him again.

“Calm down,” Kaneki said, noticing his distress. “You look like you have a lot on your mind. You don't have to tell me everything right away. Just tell me whatever you think is most important.”

The way he spoke to him sounded like he was talking to a child. Rather than feeling insulted, Tsukiyama felt like he could cry. He couldn't remember Kaneki ever sounding this nice to him.

“I missed you so much.”

Kaneki stopped, looking stunned, caught off guard by what he said. His eyes stayed on him, searching his face. For a hopeful moment, Tsukiyama thought that he might have remembered him. There was a flicker of something like recognition behind his eyes, but, when his mouth opened, nothing came out. Confused, his brows came together and he held a hand to his chin.

“I'm sorry,” he said.

Tsukiyama's heart leapt, hearing his apology. “It's alright. You're here now and you're okay. That's all that matters to me now. I thought you might've died, you know. You went off on your own and no one heard a word from you. We... couldn't even find your body. You vanished completely, like you never even existed. I was afraid I was never going to see you again.”

Nodding slowly, Kaneki put his hands back into his lap. “I had the feeling I should be apologizing for something...”

“It's okay if your memory is a little spotty.” It was very okay. It might even be for the best. A Kaneki who didn't remember all of the things he put him through would be much easier to handle. He'd even hoped for that once – that Kaneki would forget the ways he'd deceived him. He should've felt happy about this outcome, but, for some reason, he felt disappointed. Seeing that Kaneki was confused, he tried to not let it show. “I'd say that you shouldn't apologize, but I do appreciate it. Being without you for this long hurt a lot, Kaneki-kun.”

“'Kaneki', huh...?” He looked away again, thinking. It was hard to tell if he recognized his own name. “Even if you know me, could you call me 'Sasaki'? Does my mysterious visitor have a name I can call him?”

That might be problematic, given the circumstances. Tsukiyama decided to dodge the question.

“You're with the CCG now. As much as it will kill me not to hear my name from your lips, I think it might be best for you to remember my name on your own.”

Even in the low light, Tsukiyama could see the red in Kaneki's face. “Are you messing with me? If we really knew each other, then just what sort of relationship did we have?”

Oh, this was fun. It was sounding more and more like Kaneki remembered very little from before the time when he left. He didn't know what happened to him to make him this way, but it created an interesting situation for Tsukiyama. Right now, with Kaneki in this pliable state, he could mould him into anything he wanted him to be.

Leaning a little closer to him, he made sure to capture Kaneki's eyes with his own and stared into them deeply, speaking with a gentle and sensual voice. “You're everything to me. You're the only one I want; my very special person. To me, there's no one else like you. My life was barely worth living without you in it.”

Kaneki backed up in his chair. “That's- You realize how intimidating that sounds to someone who doesn't remember you, right? Was I really someone that special to you?”

He told him exactly what he felt. None of that had been a lie. However, even if this Kaneki were different from the one he used to know, he could still sense when he was using a sweet mask to try to persuade him. Tsukiyama had told himself over and over that he wasn't going to do that anymore if he saw him again. He was going to be transparent and tell him everything that he felt directly without hiding anything.

It hurt. It was difficult. He never realized how hard it was to swallow his own words without putting a layer of sugar on them first.

“It's the truth,” he said, relaxing his shoulders. “I told you, didn't I? I missed you. Every day was painful without you.” Why did it hurt so much? It was the truth. It was hardly different from what he'd already said, but saying it made him feel vulnerable. “When you left, it was like watching my chance disappear... All of them. Everything I wanted us to be was just... gone. I tried to get it out then, but nothing that I said was going to stop you. I was never able to tell you how much you meant to me.”

“Stop that,” Kaneki said, his eyes cast to the floor with a guilty expression. “You sound like you're talking to a ghost. I'm not dead, though. I'm right here. I don't know what happened or what I did. I wish I could remember so I could apologize to you the right way. But I know that I'm here. And I heard what you had to say. So...”

Tsukiyama had no reason to expect what Kaneki decided to do, which is why he sat there in the same place and didn't move until he felt Kaneki's lips against his own. His eyes widened and he stared at Kaneki's closed eyes, suddenly feeling his heart pounding nervously in his throat. It wasn't a bad kiss or anything. He just had no idea how the things he said had resulted in this.

_This._

Sensing that something was wrong, Kaneki awkwardly backed away.

“I'm sorry, should I not have- That is, after the things you said... It just felt like I should...”

Tsukiyama could practically see the gears turning in his head, could imagine the steam rising from his ears and his heated face. This wasn't the Kaneki he remembered. But he wasn't a different person. He never would have imagined Kaneki doing something like that or saying those things, but it didn't sound that unusual for him once he thought about it.

This wasn't an entirely different Kaneki. It was more like a version of him that was more likely to say the things that he was thinking and feeling. Realizing that, Tsukiyama felt a little relieved. He was trying to be more honest now, too. If they both said exactly what they felt, then maybe he wouldn't have to worry this time. Maybe he would feel less confused.

“It's alright,” Tsukiyama said, turning to put his legs over the side of the bed, raising a hand to calm Kaneki's panic. “You just surprised me. It felt nice to feel you so close to me, though.”

The red remained in Kaneki's cheeks as he fought to keep his eyes on Tsukiyama's. “Yeah... Yeah, it did feel kind of nice, didn't it?”

_Dolce..._

He was sweeter than Tsukiyama could ever remember him being. It was always a shock when Kaneki showed that kind side of himself to him, but now he had no reason not to be kind and all of that kindness was being directed right at him. Tsukiyama honestly felt a bit overwhelmed by it. He swallowed as his heart fluttered happily and he moved a little closer, lowering his lashes, hoping for the moment to repeat itself.

“If it's alright with you,” Kaneki began timidly, “can I try that again? I just want to see how it makes me feel, if it helps me remember anything.”

Those sounded like excuses. Tsukiyama was more than willing to let him give it another try. He closed his eyes for him and waited.

He heard Kaneki take in a breath, then, a moment later, felt his soft lips gently being placed against his own again. He moved a little unsteadily, like he didn't quite know what he was supposed to do. Knowing that his first, failed attempt at a relationship had been his only one, Tsukiyama felt confident in assuming that Kaneki didn't have much experience when it came to kissing.

If he were to be honest, he didn't have much experience of his own. He was glad that Kaneki didn't know that. It made him feel more confident as he held the back of Kaneki's head and tipped his chin, granting himself access to the inside of his mouth. He heard him release a small, surprised breath and he cracked open an eye just in time to see Kaneki looking back at him. Embarrassed that he'd been caught staring, Kaneki closed his eyes and aggressively returned his kiss, making Tsukiyama groan low as he took his lower lip between his teeth.

He was getting more into it than Tsukiyama expected. As the quiet sounds of their lips moving together filled the silence, Kaneki slowly moved closer and closer until he had his hands on his shoulders, one of his knees planted on the bed beside him. For a moment, Tsukiyama could imagine that he was kissing the old Kaneki, his kiss full of suppressed feelings and memories that fought to be freed. As Kaneki slid into his lap, sitting over one of his legs, Tsukiyama felt something hard nudge against his leg. By the feel of things, Kaneki was getting just as turned on by this as he was. It was just a kiss, but he couldn't believe how excited it was making him to feel Kaneki's tongue against his own, to taste his lips, to breathe in his scent, so real and close.

All too soon, Kaneki broke away from him and straightened up. Keeping his knee next to him, he looked down at him with a vague look on his face. It seemed that he must have found what he was looking for on his face because he smiled a moment later and placed a hand against his cheek.

“By the way,” Kaneki began gently, stroking his thumb over the side of his cheek. “That,” he said, gesturing with his eyes to the shirt that Tsukiyama had fallen asleep holding. “I noticed that a pair of my underwear went missing recently. You wouldn't happen to know where they went, would you?”

Tsukiyama's mind went into high alert, realizing that he had been discovered as the one who had snatched his underwear. In truth, it passed through a few hands before it ever got around to him, so he wasn't the original snatcher, but he was the one it belonged to now.

“Those were my favorite pair.” Tsukiyama couldn't believe his ears. That ridiculous pair were his favorite? “I was really disappointed when I couldn't find them.”

“I-I see...” Tsukiyama replied nervously, uncertain what he was expecting him to say.

Kaneki held his jaw and looked down at him with a familiar, dangerous smile. “Can I have them back?”

Absolutely not. The look in Kaneki's eyes made him feel wary, but he was reluctant to hand over the only fresh article of Kaneki's clothing that he owned. Chie worked really hard to get those for him.

“Do you like the way they smell?” Kaneki asked boldly, cutting right to the kind of question that made Tsukiyama sweat nervously.

He didn't want to sound like a pervert. He loved the way that they smelled, and he wanted to be honest with Kaneki now, but he knew what this situation sounded like. By all accounts, he was a perverted stalker. There was no way to make himself sound good, so he kept his mouth closed.

Sighing, Kaneki got off of him and stood back up. Tsukiyama didn't question what he was up to, only watched as Kaneki slid his hands down the front of his shirt, placing them over the fastenings of his pants. First went the belt, then his pants were unbuttoned and he slid them down his legs and stepped out of them. Tsukiyama's interest grew exponentially when he saw the way his cock was nudging against the front of his underwear. Kaneki glanced at him. His face was still flushed, but if he were embarrassed, he didn't show it. Putting his thumbs under the waistband of his underwear, he slowly slid them down his thighs and stepped out of them one leg at a time.

“I'll trade you,” he said, looking at Tsukiyama with the pair of underwear hanging from one finger.

“Voilà juste,” Tsukiyama said, feeling very okay with this turn of events. “You have yourself a deal.”

He expected Kaneki to hand them over, but Kaneki clutched them in his hand as he held his eyes. “I'm only giving these to you if you promise to bring the other pair back.”

“C-come on. You can trust me, Kanek-” The name became lodged in his throat, remembering who he was talking to. Kaneki and Sasaki were the same person, but it was easy to forget that anything had changed when he looked at him with those eyes that calmly demanded his obedience. He finished, “Sasaki...”

The name felt unnatural coming from his lips, but he could see that it satisfied Kaneki to hear it. Proving that he was willing to accept this identity seemed to earn him a bit more of his trust. His features softening, Kaneki extended the hand that held the offered item, and Tsukiyama immediately grabbed up the new treasure. He really wanted to bring it up to see how it smelled, but, again, he didn't want to appear too unusual. He was doing so well so far. Even if Kaneki knew that he was the mysterious underwear thief, he might not be too keen on the idea of their trade once he saw him sniffing them.

“Go on,” he said to Tsukiyama's surprise. “That's why you were hugging my shirt, right? You liked how it smelled. Go on then. I think it's weird, of course, but I've never been aware of someone who admires me so much, so I'm sort of curious what you think.”

So that was what that look was supposed to mean. He wanted to watch him.

Tsukiyama couldn't tell if this were a test. It felt like it might be, but he hadn't sensed any kind of malintent from him so far. He really wanted to watch him sniff his underwear...? Tsukiyama couldn't help but feel skeptical about this. Worse yet, if he did it in front of him now, he worried that his eyes would turn. He was already feeling nervous and aroused, but he didn't feel the tightness around his eyes that accompanied his kakugan. Getting a really deep breath of his scent would make his hunger spike and give him away as a ghoul. He trusted Kaneki, but things weren't quite the same. He didn't know how Sasaki would react if he realized that he had a ghoul in his presence. He was an investigator, after all...

“What's wrong? Are you nervous?”

“Something like that,” Tsukiyama muttered, looking at the pair of underwear in his hands. The room around him was saturated in Kaneki's scent. He was able to calm down earlier after masturbating, but now it was beginning to get to him again. The scent of the item he held was enticing and it begged him to bring them closer, to bury his nose in them and take a strong breath of it.

“Tell me what you're thinking.”

Quickly glancing up, Tsukiyama caught his eyes. “I want to do it, but I don't want you to see how I get.”

Kaneki hummed with interest. “Telling me that just makes me even more curious to see what you're like when you do it. Does it really smell that nice to you? What do you like about it?”

This was really bad. A human wouldn't share his reasons for loving the way that Kaneki smelled. He liked the smell of his hair and the fresh, masculine scent of his skin, but his obsession went far beyond anything so average. The way that Kaneki's human scent blended with the scent of his ghoul parts made him ache with an insatiable hunger. He was an exquisite, exceptionally rare treat.

No – he was a treasure.

As such, he would never let Kaneki see him bare his teeth again. He would treat him appropriately, as a thing to be protected. If Kaneki were to see his kakugan, then he was going to make sure that he didn't feel threatened by it. Rather, he wanted him to look into his blackened eyes and think of him as an ally, a friend, as someone like himself.

When it came down to it, that was all he had ever really wanted.

“To me, the way that you smell is incomparable to anything else in the entire world. Like a fingerprint, you have your own unique scent, one that I could identify with my eyes closed. When I breathe it in, I feel hundreds of things; contentedness, excitement, and things without names that aren't easy to define. I want you, and the more I let your scent twist around my brain, the more entangled I become in my desire for you.” Kaneki was watching him, listening with full attention. He had him. “So you see, don't you? Having you before me now, I hesitate because I'm unsure of whether I could hold myself back.”

“My door is locked. I don't intend to involve anyone else. Right now, it's just us.” Placing a hand against Tsukiyama's chest, he gave a gentle push to guide him back farther onto the bed so that he could straddle his lap. “Show me, please. I don't know what it is, but... I want to remember you. So, please. Be honest with me.”

Gentle, encouraging fingers threaded through his hair, and Tsukiyama lifted the garment to his nose. He breathed in and immediately released a shaky sigh. It felt so good. This time, he didn't even have to use his imagination. Kaneki was right there, soothingly stroking his fingers through his hair as he indulged in his scent. He thought that things couldn't get any better, but Kaneki proved him wrong. One of the hands disappeared from his hair and reappeared a second later between his legs, placed lightly over the front of his pants. With a quiet, desperate sound, he pressed himself up into his hand, and Kaneki obliged, squeezing his cock through the material.

He was in deep now. Without a doubt, his eyes had turned. Afraid to open them and reveal himself, he kept his eyes closed and leaned his forehead against Kaneki's chest. Lowering his hands for a moment, he nuzzled his head against his shirt and took in the smell of his chest. It was just a simple button-down shirt. With a single tug, he could pop off all of the buttons and expose Kaneki's sweet, tender flesh and have himself a bite.

The thought made him let out a frustrated sound. No matter how much he told himself that he shouldn't eat him now, the desire was unavoidable. He was a ghoul and Kaneki smelled like the most appetizing thing in the world. These conflicting feelings were cruel. He wanted to treasure him and protect him, but doing so would require him to go against his very nature.

“Let me see you.”

He couldn't. Not now. Tsukiyama knew what his face would look like and he was ashamed that he was unable to do anything about it.

Putting both hands on Tsukiyama's shoulders, Kaneki forced him away from him, but Tsukiyama kept his eyes firmly closed. Feeling Kaneki's eyes on his face, his pulse raced and he panted with frightened, aroused breaths, his teeth chattering as his body trembled.

Kaneki didn't make any further demands for him to obey, though. The silent moment between them that was full of tension was broken suddenly by the feeling of Kaneki's lips against his own. Instead of commanding him with words or violent action, he was using his gentleness to ease him into complying. It was difficult to keep refusing him when he saw how nicely Kaneki was attempting to persuade him.

When he felt Kaneki draw back, he opened his eyes.

Much to his relief, he didn't see surprise or anger on Kaneki's face when he saw his black eyes.

“I thought so,” he said.

“You aren't going to put a quinque through me now, are you?”

Kaneki shook his head and pushed him back so that he lay on his back and moved over him. “Of course not,” he said, looking down at him. “I had a feeling I was being drawn to you for a reason. It's probably because we have this in common.” Lifting a hand, he lightly brushed his fingers over his left eyelid.

A happy, relieved laugh worked its way up from Tsukiyama's throat and he relaxed into the bed. This was going so much better than he had expected. For a minute there, he was really worried that Kaneki would place more importance in his duties as a ghoul investigator and would slice him to pieces or hand him over to headquarters. No matter how much he changed, Tsukiyama still doubted that he could win in a one-on-one fight against him. At this point, even if he had the strength, Tsukiyama doubted that he could have even raised a hand against Kaneki if he wanted to. The desire to eat him still existed, but he didn't want to _hurt him._

Just feeling so happy, he grabbed his face and pulled him in for another kiss. Kaneki laughed lightly against his lips, but that laugh turned into a hungering growl when Tsukiyama moved his knee between his legs to rub against his cock. He hadn't forgotten that he was pantsless. Based on their interactions in the first few minutes of being reunited, he could tell that Kaneki needed someone to help him relax. Cooperating with the CCG had to be stressful for someone who was half-ghoul.

He would show him how nice it could feel to lay down with someone who understood him. Even if he lost his memories, Tsukiyama understood his body, knew what it craved. He would carve himself an irreplaceable spot in Kaneki's heart.

“You can do whatever you want with me,” he said against Kaneki's lips. “Anything. Do as you please.”

Kaneki had moved to lay on top of him, pressing his hips against his as they kissed. He looked especially appealing now after a bit of kissing, his hair a little tousled, his lips red and glistening, his left eye a beautiful red and black.

Sitting up over Tsukiyama's middle, he looked down at him. “Anything...?” he asked.

“Use me. Make me hurt. Slow and sensual,” he suggested. “The decision is yours. I'm happy just to have you here in front of me again.”

Kaneki looked confused – maybe even somewhat offended. “Make you hurt? Why would I do that?”

Tsukiyama was once again painfully reminded that Kaneki didn't have his old memories. 'Sasaki' had been nothing but kind to him so far. He didn't seem to have any reason to treat him anything but kindly and Tsukiyama had made sure not to give him a reason yet. After coming to enjoy the idea, he felt a little disappointed to realize that Kaneki might not want to dominate him.

“I simply mean that I would take whatever you would give me, Sasaki-kun. You're the one who doesn't remember. I'd rather you do things your own way and determine for yourself how you feel about me and how you'd like to treat me.”

Now that he'd come this far, Kaneki didn't look like he was going to stop what they were doing, but he seemed to be thinking very deeply as his fingers worked on the buttons of Tsukiyama's shirt. When he was halfway, he paused to ask, “Are you sure you can still feel the same way about me even if I don't remember you? You must have a reason for liking me. I can't remember any of it.”

That was simple. “You're a strong, intelligent, and willful person, and we have a lot in common. We both love coffee and books and quiet afternoons. From what I've seen, you don't seem that different to me. If anything, I think you might seem a little happier now,” he said, throat tightening. “I hate to think that you've forgotten me completely, but maybe it was for the best. You seem like you're doing a lot better now. You had a really hard time of things. I... felt pretty selfish for not having treated you better back then.”

“Things were worse then?” he said quietly, thinking out loud.

Tsukiyama placed his hands over the ones that had stilled on his chest and held them loosely. “You've been lonely, haven't you?”

“I have people with me...”

But they weren't friends. He didn't need to hear him say more to understand what he was really saying. The children in the squad were his charge, not his friends. Judging by Chie's accounts, they didn't give him the sort of respect he deserved.

“Don't worry, Sasaki-kun,” he said, holding his hands more tightly. “You have me now.”

Snapping out of his solemn moment, Kaneki gave him a lopsided smile. “You have a voice that's very easy to trust, but you have the face of a fox. I can't tell if you're trying to pull one over on me somehow, but I feel drawn to you anyway.” Giving a small laugh, he shook his head to dismiss the thought. “I'm sorry. I shouldn't be so suspicious. I just don't understand why I feel so comfortable with you. From the second I saw you, I knew you weren't a bad person.”

“I'm glad,” he said, never having meant anything more in his life.

Unbuttoning his shirt the rest of the way, Kaneki pushed it open and ran his hands over his chest down to the hard muscles of his stomach. “You have a nice body. Are... Are you sure we weren't together before?” he asked. His words were playful, but his face was flushed with a bashful red.

“I'm not sure we would've been able to have a proper relationship, if that's what you mean,” he said, thinking about their time together in the past. “We were both preoccupied with our own things, I guess you could say. I've been kind of drained without you,” which was an understatement, “but I feel like I see things more clearly now. You seem to be in a better place too, but I won't speak for you.”

“I have no point of comparison, so I can't say whether that's true or not. I do feel relieved to know that you remember the way I used to be, though. Even if I can't go back to being the person you knew, I'm happy to know that there's someone who remembers me.”

Grasping his shoulders, Tsukiyama pulled him down into a hug, holding him against his chest. “I could never forget you. You're much too important to me.”

“A romantic ghoul, huh,” Kaneki mused. “I like that. You're cute.”

His ears had to be playing tricks on him again. “C-come again?” he said hopefully, wanting to hear him say that again and again.

“Don't get ahead of yourself,” Kaneki said, pinching his arm.

Even if he wouldn't repeat it for him, it was still repeating in his head. He considered asking him again, but he noticed the way that he was staring at him. Following his eyes to where he was looking, he bit his tongue when he realized that his pants were still unbuttoned and unzipped. He had the foresight to fix his shirt, but he left his pants open. That had to look a little suspicious.

“So... What were you doing in my bed with that shirt, exactly?”

Tsukiyama opened his mouth, but Kaneki continued as if he didn't want to hear an answer.

“I'm going to have to wash that.”

A punch or some other harsh words were expected, but nothing came. Kaneki just continued on, moving down his body to tug his shoes off for him. Tsukiyama felt blessed to get away with something like that without having to receive punishment for it, though he really wouldn't have minded if Kaneki wanted to smack him around a little. It was downright surreal to watch him diligently removing his clothing for him.

After pulling off his pants, Kaneki sat back and stared at him in his underwear and socks. Tsukiyama didn't even have to ask. He could tell that Kaneki liked what he saw.

“Um... How do you...” He lightly moved his fingers over the garters that held up his black socks. It sounded like he didn't know how to remove them, but Tsukiyama thought they were rather self-explanatory. They were elastic and they clipped onto his socks. All he needed to do was push them down if he wanted to get them off, but he seemed to have some other sort of interest in them.

“Do you like them?” Tsukiyama teased, pleased when he saw Kaneki's eyes flash for a second, caught. “I don't mind if they stay on.”

He watched Kaneki's face as he traced his fingers over the outline of his cock, then raised his hips off the bed and slowly slid his underwear down his thighs and let them fall to the floor. When nothing but his socks and open shirt remained, he shifted around on the bed to get more comfortable and extended an arm to invite Kaneki to join him. Kaneki didn't take his hand, looking down at his own body. He'd already taken off his pants, so most of the work was already done, but he quickly unbuttoned his shirt first. Taking another second at his bedside table, he sorted through his things until he found what he was looking for, then returned to the bed.

“If you have that...” Tsukiyama muttered, thoughts flying wildly as he eyed the tube in Kaneki's hand. “Does... Does that mean you've done it with someone else?”

“No, I just-” Kaneki immediately stopped, groaning when he realized that he had been tricked into saying more than he intended. He sighed. “Remind me how we even reached this point? I don't think I would just have sex with someone I just met.”

Grinning, Tsukiyama reached out to take the tube from him. “I'm not just someone, though. You said you felt drawn to me. If you need to be reminded a little, then why don't you come a little closer?” he said, grasping Kaneki's wrist, pulling him down to lay chest-to-chest with him. “Right here,” he said, tilting his head to the side to expose his neck. “Your sense of smell was never very strong, but maybe you'll remember something.”

Kaneki looked at him with a bit of uncertainty, but leaned in nonetheless and sniffed along his shoulder. Tsukiyama heard him release a curious breath, then shivered as he felt Kaneki move his nose to the small hairs at the back of his neck, felt his cock twitch against his leg as he breathed in deeply.

“Good?” he asked.

He nodded, and Tsukiyama watched as the veins around his left eye grew darker. “I don't know why,” he murmured, breathing in again, “but it seems familiar. You're right, I... That helps.”

His hips continued to move, shifting and wriggling, the head of his cock feeling a little bit wet and slick against Tsukiyama's skin. After letting him take a whiff of his scent, he had him eating right out of his palm. While he had him distracted, Tsukiyama placed the tube to the side and lifted the back of Kaneki's shirt to put his hands over his lower back.

Being in the CCG, he had to wonder how often Kaneki got to exercise his kagune. His lower back felt so tense. Just touching it lightly was enough to make Kaneki moan against his neck and fidget anxiously. After only a minute of gentle touching, he could already feel his kagune trying to escape, the skin around his kakuhou becoming moist with the fluid from within.

“You're so tense back here. You should let it out. Let it respirer, mon cher.”

“I can't,” he muttered, his lips against his neck.

“Why not? Have they been trying to make you use it less? You're a ghoul. You should be allowed to embrace what you are. It will only hurt you if you keep holding it back.” Seeing the way that Kaneki's face tightened as he strained to contain it made him hurt inside. It wasn't right. “If you let it out, I'll massage it for you after. It will feel nice. Nothing bad will happen.”

He wanted to know what was making him feel like he couldn't release it. After the years they'd spent apart, his abilities might have evolved even further. There was no way for him to know what the CCG had done with him. Judging by the way he was acting, it was like he feared that he might not even be able to control it, like he was holding back in fear of himself. It was a stupid thing to be afraid of. He was powerful, so he shouldn't have to worry about anyone else, let alone himself.

Finally seeming to accept that it would be safe for him to release it in his presence, Kaneki let his kagune escape from his kakuhou. Tsukiyama lifted his shirt a little higher to keep it out of the way as it extended from his back. Once he had it out, it looked like he didn't quite know where to put it, letting the four tentacles that escaped rest on the bed beside them. Turning his head, he planted a kiss into the black hair at the top of Kaneki's head and soothingly rubbed his hands over his back.

His kagune looked especially erotic; sensitive and reddened with arousal. Unable to stop himself, Tsukiyama placed his hands over the place where they were thickest and massaged them. As he expected, the surface felt soft and slippery, but the strong muscle beneath made them feel hard and firm. Noticing how much fluid he suddenly had on his hands, he brought one of them down and wrapped it around Kaneki's cock. At once, Kaneki let out a startled noise and bucked his hips into his hand.

“We might not even need anything else when your kakuhou is dripping like this,” Tsukiyama said, licking his lips. He was very tempted to know what it tasted like. Gathering a little more of it on his other hand, he brought that one between his own legs and pressed his fingers against his entrance, moaning softly as he slid them inside.

Kaneki sat up a little and moved his hand to his own cock so that Tsukiyama could focus on himself. Before Kaneki could say a word, he lifted his free hand to his lips, anxious to find out what the fluid from Kaneki's kakuhou would taste like.

Sucking two fingers into his mouth as he moved the two on his other hand around inside of himself, he let the taste settle over his taste buds. It was a little bitter, a little tart, but not bad. It was a unique flavor that carried notes of something that was distinctly Kaneki.

Grabbing the tube of lubricant, Kaneki quickly uncapped it and squeezed some into his hand and spread it over his cock. Loosely stroking himself, he sat back and watched the fantastic show Tsukiyama was putting on for him. Tsukiyama couldn't believe how arousing it felt to be watched by him. Perhaps it was because he'd missed him so much. He felt his cheeks burn as he opened his legs obscenely wide, and he held back all of the embarrassed and excited sounds that were begging to be released, knowing that he should keep them in if he didn't want to alert the others in the other room.

He saw Kaneki's eyes flash with something that was difficult to distinguish as he watched him. His mouth opened, but what came out was nothing but a pathetic little sound that tripped over his tongue.

His hand slowed and he looked at him with his mouth set in a line. “For a second, I thought I remembered your name. I feel like it was right there. I couldn't have a feeling like that if I didn't actually know you, right?”

Giving a gentle sigh, Tsukiyama slipped his fingers out of himself and sat up on his knees in front of him and came in close. “Do you doubt me?” he asked, putting his hands on his shoulders. “Stop listening to what your head says. It sounds to me like your body still remembers me.”

Kaneki nodded, swallowing nervously as he watched Tsukiyama lift himself over his lap. His cock jerked as Tsukiyama wrapped his fingers around it, then rubbed the tip around his entrance. Relaxing himself, he carefully sunk down onto his cock, taking it slowly, an inch at a time, until he was completely seated in his lap.

“Is it... all inside?” Kaneki asked, looking too embarrassed to look straight at the place where they were joined.

“Oui,” Tsukiyama breathed, tipping his head back, reveling in the fact that he had managed to become one with him without having to consume him. “It feels incredible, doesn't it? Come closer. I want you to feel this as much as I am.”

He opened his arms and Kaneki timidly leaned in to place his chin on his shoulder, wrapping his arms around his waist. The second he got another breath of his scent, Kaneki relaxed immediately, his kagune wriggling delightedly against the bed. Tsukiyama reached out and ran his fingertips along the length of the one nearest to him. It squirmed ticklishly, but still moved closer to his hand, curious. As he wrapped his other arm around Kaneki's shoulders, he affectionately stroked his kagune and listened to the pleasant sighs he gave against his shoulder.

The more he touched him, the more Kaneki fidgeted, his hips twisting, just barely thrusting. He seemed to enjoy the feeling of being wrapped up inside of him, but it was clear that his body wanted to move. However, in this position, he was trapped, held down by Tsukiyama's weight, subject to his whims.

“Don't just tease me,” he muttered.

Tsukiyama felt Kaneki's teeth brush against his neck and he let out a pleased gasp. “You know,” he said, looking at him from the corners of his eyes, “you can bite me if you want. Your kagune is already out. You don't need to keep holding back.”

He looked surprised. “No, I couldn't,” he said, looking away. “Rather, it's not that I can't, but that I shouldn't. There's something inside of me. If I let myself get carried away, even just a little, I don't know what could happen. The only way I can control it is by watching what I consume.”

Had they done something to him, after all? It had to be his kakuja state he was referring to. He remembered that Kaneki had some trouble controlling it, but Tsukiyama hated to see him holding himself back. He wanted to see him bloom to his full potential. He wanted to see what Kaneki looked like when he tasted his blood.

“Are you sure? One little taste couldn't hurt. It'll enhance the experience for you, make you feel more fired up. The only way you could lose control is if you let your hunger get carried away.” He stopped teasing his kagune and wrapped his hand around it to stroke it directly. Kaneki was still trying to hide his face, but he could tell that he was seriously giving it some consideration. It was fun to watch him and imagine the way he was trying to rationalize it in his head.

“Just a taste,” Kaneki said, nostrils flaring as his eyes shifted to his throat.

As he brought his lips to his neck, his kagune went around Tsukiyama's back and circled them, holding them together in a sort of embrace. Tsukiyama tilted his head to the side to give him complete access and felt satisfied when he felt Kaneki's teeth pierce his skin. He tore off a little bite and chewed silently, but Tsukiyama could feel the air around him changing. It was a small, modest bite, but blood poured from the wound regardless and drooled down his neck to his chest. The hazy, lustful look in Kaneki's eyes was enough to excuse whatever pain he felt.

“It's good,” he said softly before leaning in to draw his tongue down his throat to catch the blood that rolled down. “Much better than what I usually have.”

Tsukiyama didn't want to ask what his “usual” was. Though he was curious, he was sure he would only be horrified by whatever it was.

“You can only expect the best from me,” Tsukiyama promised. To make good on that promise, he lifted his hips slightly and came back down, taking him back into him as deeply as he could go. Grinding around in a circular motion, he watched Kaneki squeeze his eyes tightly, heard a strained groan slide from between his teeth. He wanted to please him and give him the best that he was capable of, but Kaneki was still trying to cage his inner beast. For that reason, he decided to keep it slow for the moment, just barely lifting himself up each time he moved.

As Kaneki's breathing grew rougher and deeper, Tsukiyama noticed that his expression seemed oddly vacant; distant, dangerous, maybe even a little possessed. He didn't understand what caused that change until he heard the way he spoke.

“I thought I told you not to tease me.”

Tsukiyama immediately stopped moving and removed his hands from him. It was a conditioned reflex, one that had been sewn into his brain after spending so much time together with Kaneki after his return from the hands of Aogiri. A cold sort of fear born from obedience shot through him and was met by an old, loyal hopefulness. The two tangled together inside of him, creating a new emotion that made them seem inseparable.

He remembered that voice.

Suddenly, he found himself on his back, his head barely making it to the pillow as Kaneki rearranged their positions. He didn't even get the chance to say a single word before Kaneki began to thrust inside of him with reckless abandon. For the sake of the situation, Tsukiyama pretended to struggle, but his body was already being assailed by an incredible pleasure that came from knowing that his blood had awoken him. It was too soon to name its effect, but, even if he had awoken just a fragment of a memory inside of him, he would still be happy.

Kaneki moved wildly, roughly slamming his hips into him. The red of his eye, filled with an animalistic need, seemed to glow in the dim light. His hair might've changed and he may have looked a little leaner, but Tsukiyama could tell that this was the same man he used to bring flowers to, the one who had kindly accepted him into his circle despite his past deceptions. The gentle Kaneki who worked at Anteiku probably existed somewhere inside of him, too.

They were all him. He loved all of them. Even when the three seemed like separate people, he found himself capable of loving them as one.

Sharp nails dug into his hips, adding to the sweet pain that was building in his lower body with each of Kaneki's movements. Behind him, Kaneki's kagune whipped around like four tails, moved by the vicious emotions of their owner. Looking up into those eyes, watching his kagune menacingly wave in the air above them, Tsukiyama felt like he'd fallen into a trap; willing prey to this beautiful thing.

“Kaneki-kun,” he whimpered, the name naturally tumbling from his lips before he could stop himself. The corners of his eyes felt damp and his skin buzzed with a sensuous heat. This was everything he wanted, and yet he wanted so much more. “Please,” he begged, rolling his head back against the pillow.

Kaneki may have misconstrued his gesture as an invitation to take another bite, because that was precisely what he did, clamping his teeth down around the most tender part of his throat with his jaws opened wide. Tsukiyama gasped and unconsciously moved his hips to meet Kaneki's brutal thrusts, but he felt no fear now, trusting that this Kaneki still wouldn't have the mind to kill him.

“K-Kaneki-kun,” he moaned again, feeling Kaneki's teeth sink deeper into his skin as his throat moved to form his name. Feeling the head of his cock pounding against a good spot inside of him made his head fill with white noise, but the backs of his eyelids were bursting with colors. All of his tangled-up feelings from the past three years unraveled from his mouth at the same time. “Give me more. I want all of you. I need you. Please, Kaneki-kun. I want to taste you and feel you. I want to consume you and I want you to consume me, and I just... I want you. Je t'aime. I love you so much.”

Kaneki's jaw loosened.

Was it going to far to say that he loved him? He didn't understand the words the way that other people meant them.

He loved the way that he tasted and smelled, and it wasn't too much to say that he enjoyed doing things like this with him as well.

Kaneki was simply the most important person to him, so...

“I...”

His arms, which had been holding Kaneki's back tightly, slowly loosened and fell down to his sides on the bed. Kaneki had also slowed, and he took his mouth off of his throat, his face a blank even as he licked the blood off his teeth.

Sitting up, keeping himself inside of him, Kaneki placed a hand over Tsukiyama's chest and looked into his eyes, looking at him as if he were really seeing him for the first time since they began.

“You were so devoted to me.”

Tsukiyama's shoulders shook and he briefly feared that Kaneki could feel the way he trembled under his touch. “You remembered something?”

He shook his head solemnly. “I don't think so. It's more like I felt something.” The hand over his chest moved to Tsukiyama's bloody throat and Kaneki's fingers closed around his neck, holding him tight to state his superiority. “You belong to me.”

“That's right. If you'll have me,” Tsukiyama said; familiar words that he felt honored to say. “That's all I want. That's all I really want. You can do whatever you want with me. Anything. I'm yours.”

Gradually, a smile widened Kaneki's lips. He released his neck and softly brushed his fingers through his hair, pushing aside the messy strands that had gotten in his face when Kaneki pushed him down. “I'll decide what I want to do with you, then,” he said. “For now...”

Putting a hand under Tsukiyama's left knee, he lifted his leg over his shoulder. He pulled out of him for a moment to reposition himself, but was quickly back inside of him before Tsukiyama could miss him. In a position like this, Tsukiyama felt especially exposed, but he didn't feel embarrassed or ashamed of his debauched appearance anymore, not when he saw how pleased Kaneki looked when he brought his eyes over his body.

With his one socked foot over his shoulder, Kaneki straddled his other leg and was able to deliver smooth, even thrusts. The pace he had now was much slower and more sensual than the frantic pace from before. Nothing hurt now, and it felt fantastic, but Tsukiyama would have been happy with anything.

Just as he was about to relax, one of Kaneki's kagune tentacles came toward him and curiously brushed against his chest.

“Does it feel good?” Kaneki asked, rubbing its smooth, slippery surface over his nipples.

Shivering, Tsukiyama nodded. “Yeah, that's-” Another one of his tentacles interrupted him as it snaked around the length of his cock. It wasn't capable of the most graceful movements, but even its sloppiest strokes felt good because of its unusual texture. He reached out to lay a hand against it to help guide it as he rested his head back into the pillow and let out a calm breath.

Kaneki could have possibly used the remaining two to hold back the leg he had over his shoulder, but he chose to do everything else with his own hands. Tsukiyama appreciated it. As much as he enjoyed the feeling of his rough, yet unexpectedly delicate kagune, he loved the feeling of Kaneki's hands on him so much more.

He couldn't keep in the sounds of pleasure that came from him every time Kaneki thrust into him and reached that one spot. His quiet moans were soon building in volume as Kaneki picked up his pace. He tried to keep them in, but it seemed like Kaneki didn't care much about how much noise he was making anymore either, moving against him roughly, with enough strength to make the bed shake against the wall.

Out of nowhere, they heard a knock at the bedroom door and they both froze.

“Uh, hey, Sassan,” the voice on the other side said. It sounded like a boy, his voice a little lazy, his words drawn out. They waited for a few breathless moments before he decided to continue. “I was just gonna ask what you wanted to do about dinner, but it sounds like you're busy in there or something, so I'm just gonna leave you to that.” He cackled knowingly. “I'm kinda surprised, but I guess we all gotta get off sometimes, right? Just don't make us wait too long. We're hungry out here.”

Once he felt safe to assume that he was gone, Kaneki let out an exasperated sigh. “Shirazu...” he muttered, shaking his head. “Better him than any of the others, I guess.”

“They sound like cute kids,” Tsukiyama joked. “You kind of seem like their daddy.”

Kaneki's kagune tightened around his cock, making him wince. He didn't regret what he said, though, because Kaneki wasn't able to fully hide the flustered look that his comment made him make.

“So dolce,” he purred, stroking his hand over the tentacle that held him tight.

“Don't forget who you're talking to,” Kaneki warned. “Right now, I want you to be as quiet as you can possibly be. You don't want them to notice that I have someone else in here with me now, do you?”

The second he smirked, Kaneki had a hand over his mouth, his fingers squeezing his cheeks. It was just an unconscious smile, amused by how concerned Kaneki seemed to be, but Kaneki took it very seriously. In truth, Tsukiyama didn't want to involve the others either, but he enjoyed seeing Kaneki looking flustered so much.

“Not a sound.”

With that, he let go and moved that hand to the thigh leaning against his chest and gripped Tsukiyama's opposing hip with his other hand. Commanding him with a severe look, he began to move again, starting off with sharp, deep thrusts that sent sudden tremors down Tsukiyama's spine. His mouth opened, a surprised yelp escaped, and the kagune circling his cock clenched around him painfully tight, as if he were threatening to snap it off if he couldn't control himself.

“U-understood,” he said quietly.

“Good,” Kaneki said, tilting his head to nip at his thigh. “I'm going to have to finish this quickly. They're waiting for me, after all. After this, I don't care what you do, but you can't stay here.”

Tsukiyama nodded wordlessly. He understood that as well. It was disappointing that he couldn't stay there with him, but it went without saying that he couldn't stay in a place where he would be surrounded by CCG. Even if they were small fries, he wasn't as strong as he used to be. He didn't have quite the appetite he used to when Kaneki wasn't around.

He was happy now, though. Kaneki was choosing his words carefully. He didn't say that he couldn't come back.

Kaneki breathed against his leg and dragged his tongue over what skin he could reach. “Your body feels so...” He closed his eyes, letting the rest of his sentence hang ambiguously. He was really getting into it now. With his eyes closed, it was like he could feel even more, handing himself over to whomever it was who resided within him.

Though the kagune around him felt good and he enjoyed the way that Kaneki felt inside of him, Tsukiyama was even more overwhelmed by the simple fact that this was reality. Surrounded by his scent, feeling the reliable weight of Kaneki's body against his own, Tsukiyama felt as though he just might cry. He wanted to cry out so badly, to tell him more about what an honor it was for him to even look at him, but he obediently kept his lips sealed.

Looking down, he realized that his own precum had joined the slick surface of Kaneki's kagune, making it even easier for it to slide over his cock. He wanted to taste it. He wanted to feel the weight of his kagune against his tongue, to feel it slither down his throat until he couldn't breathe, but he couldn't open his mouth to beg for it now. If he did, he feared that he might scare away the magnificent look of rapt pleasure on Kaneki's face. He looked so focused, his lower lip held between his teeth in concentration as he thrust into him with increasingly uneven thrusts.

In just a few more thrusts, Kaneki suddenly went still. Still buried deep inside of him, his cock jerked as each wave of his climax shook his body. Even as it subsided, he stayed inside of him for a little while longer, lazily moving his hips to enjoy the last of it.

After he pulled out, his cock wet with his own cum, he looked at Tsukiyama with a hint of surprise.

“You didn't cum?”

He shook his head.

“You can talk now. Just keep it down,” he said. “What more could you possibly want? For someone who claims to be so easy, you're actually rather greedy, aren't you?”

Tsukiyama whimpered. Now wasn't the time to become embarrassed about what he wanted. “Your kagune,” he said, touching the one that held his cock. “Please let me suck on it.”

Kaneki stared at him blankly for a moment, but smiled. “Well, because you said 'please'...”

Uncoiling it from around him, he brought it up and Tsukiyama eagerly took the tip of it into his mouth. The taste of their combined fluids bathed his taste buds and he let out a soft, happy sigh through his nose and flicked his eyes up for a moment to let Kaneki see how much he appreciated its taste. He took it deep into his mouth, letting the tip hit the back of his throat. Considering its size, it was ridiculous to even think about trying to fit the entire mass of it inside his mouth, but it didn't stop him from wishing that he could.

Keeping it in his mouth, he sat up and finally wrapped his own hand around his cock. It didn't take him much longer after that. As his body spasmed, he tried to breathe through his nose, but he could feel his face turning blue, his air stopped by the thick kagune down his throat. For some reason, that just made it feel even more intense. By the time the spasms finally ended, his head felt light and he thought he might pass out.

“Hey, don't stop breathing on me,” Kaneki said, pulling his kagune from his throat. In an instant, they vanished, retreating into his body. He briefly ran a hand through Tsukiyama's hair and stroked the back of his neck to help him remember how to breathe, then got off the bed to gather their clothing.

They dressed and cleaned themselves up in moderate silence. Once he had everything where it should be, Tsukiyama went to the mirror to have a look at himself and grimaced again for a number of different reasons this time. His hair looked like a mess and his shirt was totally wrinkled. He hated the thought of returning home looking like something the cat dragged in, but it was hard to worry about his appearance for too long when he felt so satisfied.

Returning to where Kaneki sat on the bed, he helped him fix his hair and handed him his socks.

“I didn't expect things to go like this,” he said honestly, “but I'm so glad to know that you're alive and well.”

“About as well as I can be,” Kaneki said, sounding like he had something heavy on his mind.

Remembering the things he said in bed, Tsukiyama straightened up and held his hands together in front of himself. “About earlier... Did it bother you when I called you 'Kaneki'? I know I promised to call you 'Sasaki', but it just came out on its own.”

Eyes on his lap, he shook his head. “No... I thought it was fine. It didn't feel strange to me at all. I think... I just feel odd right now because of how normal all of that felt. It was like I was a different person for a while there, but none of it seemed strange to me in the moment.”

“You seemed like yourself to me.”

He knew that Kaneki had no way of telling whether that was true or not, but he wished that he could make him believe it. While they were together, he felt certain that the one holding him was the Kaneki he remembered. Even now, he was the same. He may have lost his memories, but the things that made him who he was hadn't changed.

“I'll come back again sometime,” he said, feeling like now would be a good time to leave, knowing that Kaneki had a lot to think about.

“Don't forget to bring back my other pair of underwear when you do,” Kaneki reminded him as he followed him to the window.

He'd almost forgotten about that. As a result, he almost forgot about the new pair as well. Kaneki handed them to him and Tsukiyama quickly tucked them into the pocket inside his suit jacket, resisting the urge to give them one more sniff before leaving.

Instead, he leaned in and gave Kaneki a quick kiss on the cheek.

“Don't forget, you probably have my scent all over you right now. Before you get too close to those pups, I suggest you take a shower,” he recommended. “Unless the thought of wearing my scent around excites you.”

Groaning, Kaneki lightly pushed him toward the window. “How did I ever associate with a guy like you?”

Honestly, that was a valid question, one that Tsukiyama had three years to find the answer to.

Quietly opening the window, Tsukiyama put one leg outside and turned around to look at him one more time. “Because you're a good person, the type of person who's kind enough to even give a person like me a second chance.”

Once he was on the ground, he half-expected Kaneki to close the window and be done with him, but when he turned around, he found him still waiting there at the window with a look that said that he regretted to see him go. He couldn't remember ever seeing that look on him before. It made his feet feel like they had been frozen to the ground. He didn't want to leave when Kaneki looked at him that way, 

“À la prochaine. Take care of yourself. I'll be back again soon.”

Blowing him a kiss, he forced himself to move from where he stood. With a new pair of Kaneki's underwear safely tucked in his pocket and his chest filled with a warm feeling, he headed back the way he came, moving toward the sidewalk lit by street lights.

He would return to him.

One way or another, they were going to be together this time. He would make sure of it.


End file.
